Today, I’m pleased to welcome Sharon Souza to the Story behind the Story. She shares with us the very moving motivation behind her novel The Color of Sorrow Isn’t Blue.
Welcome, Sharon. Tell us what brought you to write this novel.
In 2009, ![Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000038_00075]](http://liztolsma.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Color-of-Sorrow-front-cover-high-res.jpg)
having finished my novel Unraveled, I was ready to begin work on a new manuscript and as I considered what that project might be, a question came to my mind: What happens when God says no? Having lost my son, Brian, in 2007, I knew there were times when God did, in fact, answer our prayers in ways so contrary to our hopes and our understanding.
When that question came to mind, I was instantly reminded about a tragic event that had taken place in our community several years before. It was a story that eventually went national. A young woman named Cyndi Vanderheiden, age 25, vanished on the night of November 14, 1998, from Linden, California, a rural community just a few miles from where my family and I lived in Lodi, California. Cyndi’s disappearance became very personal to our community, and to me in particular, because I knew her mother, who was, and still is, a teller in the bank my husband and I use. Terri and I were not friends in the sense that we socialized together, but we always talked when I went to the bank. I grew to greatly admire Terri for the strength she exhibited throughout this ordeal, which lasted more than a decade for the Vanderhieden family.
For you see, Cyndi disappeared in 1998, and by the time I finished writing The Color of Sorrow Isn’t Blue in 2010, her family still had no idea what specifically had happened to Cyndi. Two men were arrested and ultimately convicted of Cyndi’s murder in 2001, when traces of blood found in their car matched Cyndi’s DNA. They were convicted of three other murders as well, and it is believed they were responsible for up to ten murders. It wasn’t until 2012, however, some two years after I finished writing my novel and 14 years after Cyndi’s disappearance that her remains were found, along with the remains of several other victims of these two men.
So throughout the writing of the book, the question, what happens when God says no, is what guided me. No to the discovery of a missing daughter; no to the explanation of why my son died. The Color of Sorrow Isn’t Blue is a story about the disappearance of four-year-old McKinsey Taylor and the impact it has on her parents. It is not Cyndi’s story, and it is not Brian’s story. But the idea was birthed from Cyndi’s disappearance, and I drew on my own emotional experience over the loss of my son as I wrote it. It was the most difficult book I’ve ever written, but I’m convinced I’ll never write a better one.
At one time or another, God has said no to all of us. What was it He said no to you about, and how did it affect your relationship with God?
Sharon K. Souza is the author of inspirational novels for and about women. Her novels deal with difficult subjects that women often face: infertility, infidelity, extreme loss, but always include a healthy dose of humor. And her stories are rich with relationship: best friends, sisters, and the deeply complex relationship between mothers and daughters. She and her husband Rick have been married 44 years. They have three children, one of whom resides in Heaven, and seven wonderful grandchildren.
Sharon has agreed to give away a copy of The Color of Sorrow Isn’t Blue. Follow the instructions for the Rafflecopter giveaway to enter.
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During the first 7 years of our marriage, my husband had been diligently looking for transfers within his job to an overseas assignment or another state. I was dead set against moving and usually frowned upon any of the transfer suggestions that he brought home. Being raised by a single, highly independent and somewhat stubborn mother who after divorcing my dad stated she would never get married again, I was groomed to be as such. In hindsight, I see the struggle laid before me by how I was raised, but was entirely oblivious to my own independent and stubborn nature at the time. Thank goodness for Godly women who ministered to me and a gift of discernment. Knowing how much i wanted to stay close to everything I was familiar with and prayed for that outcome, I also decided I would let my husband lead our family. Can you imagine the battles my husband and I endured for seven years while worked against the Lord’s calling for a Godly household.
Well, we moved during our 7th year of marriage from Washington State to Montreal, Quebec. After living there for five years, it wasn’t until we moved back that the evidence of my obedience was laid out before me. I probably still don’t know the half of it, but it will all be revealed in its time.
Terrill:
That’s a very touching story. Thank you for sharing it. I know how difficult that was for you because I’ve experienced it myself. One thing is certain, God is faithful. Even in the hardest of times, God is faithful.
Sharon, thank you so much for sharing your heart. For the last decade, I have been dealing with a recurring pain in my left side. It would appear that God has said “No’ to my healing. Even though I go through a range of emotions, I keep pressing into Him. Thank you for writing this novel and addressing the tough question of when God says no. I’m sure this book will be a blessing to many people.
psalm103and138 at gmail dot com
Caryl:
I’m sorry for what you have suffered and continue to suffer. Indeed, keep pressing in. The Lord encourages us to do that very thing: keep asking, seeking, knocking.
God said no to me about 40 years ago. At the time my heart was broken but now I can see why God said no. I am so glad that He knows what is best for us.
Janet, that is so encouraging to me and to others who will see your comment. God truly does know the beginning from the end, and he has our very best interest at heart. I’m glad you’ve been able to see that, and I’m sure you’ve used it to minister to many others.
I happen to know this author & the story behind the story. When I finished reading the final product I was speechless. It speaks absolute truth about life, the Lord’s grace & hope. I highly recommend it.
Thank you, babe. : )
The Color Of Sorrow Isn’t Blue is a powerful story, no doubt about it! It is heart-wrenching, raw, and real. I love this book!
Becky
Thank you, Becky. You have been such an encouragement to me for many years now. God bless you, my friend.
God has continually said no to me many times as I have struggled with PTSD. I feel at times I am alone and He says no. I feel worthless and He says no. I feel loved and He says I love you unconditionally. I turned my back on God when I felt like he didn’t protect me from a violent childhood, but He said no. He was always there feeling my pain and weeping with me. I have grown stronger in my faith because without Him I couldn’t forgive .
Deana, I’m really sorry for the pain you’ve been through, and I’m glad the Lord has enabled you to forgive. It’s never easy, but it’s vital. Thank you for being candid. God bless you abundantly in every aspect of your life.
I’ve had many instances where God has told me “no.” At the time, it was difficult to deal with and did cause some distance in our relationship. Over time, I can look back and see that everything really did happen for a reason. I still may not understand some of them (okay, I know I don’t!),but I’m getting better at accepting the “no.” Our pastor has told us that sometimes a “no” isn’t a “no” so much as a “not yet.”
Les, I know what you mean. There are many things we’ll never understand, but I believe the Lord is pleased when we trust in spite of the questions we have. Your pastor sounds very wise.
Sharon, thank you for sharing. And your husband’s comment is such a tender tribute.
I also think your title is wonderful – how did you arrive at it? Titles always fascinate me…well, not always, but …
Anyway, our family dealt with some very painful things in the 90’s, with victims involved. At the time, I felt God’s presence with me, but also the need to walk/pray fast and furiously. I remember one Easter, standing in the back of our church because I couldn’t sit for long, and sensing God’s presence with me, his whisper in my heart’s ear. Ahhhh….such surprising comfort we can experience at such horrible times, when we think we’ll never be able to cope.
Gail, thank you for your comment about my title. They always fascinate me too. This one came to me immediately with the first idea of the story. There’s significance to the title in its reference to the age-old idea of sorrow being “blue”; but there’s also significance in each of the flashbacks that include Kinsey, but so far no one has picked up on it, or at least they haven’t commented to me about it. I’d love to hear from a reader who discovers the connection.
I am truly sorry for what you’ve been through. It sounds to have been a very painful time. But what a beautiful way you expressed God’s presence and comfort. I have experienced that as well, never more so than at the death of my son, and the initial time of grief which was enormous. I’ve experienced hardship, like almost all of us have, and I can state without hesitation that God is faithful, He is good, and He will never leave us nor forsake us.
There was an extremely painful time in our lives when one of our daughters was having grave difficulties. I continually begged God for His intercession, but it seemed as if He was not listening. It was rough, to say the least. That’s when faith becomes FAITH…what carries you through, or you cast it aside because you refuse to carry your cross as Jesus tells us we must. I stayed the course and gave my impatience to the Lord. He knows, so we might as well talk about it! Ask Him to use it for your good and the good of those around you so that your pain becomes gain! In the end, patience and continued prayer was the key and all is well—praise be to God!
Vicki, what a beautiful truth you’ve shared. I’ve been deeply touched by all the comments, and I thank you and everyone else for being so open and candid, but also encouraging and inspiring. God bless you.