Sorry, I realize this post is very long but I wanted to get down the details before I forgot them. I hope you enjoy this glimpse into our first day together as a family of five.
I slept well until about 3:00 a.m. Between jet lag and excitement over meeting my new daughter, I only rested fitfully from that point on. Part of it also stemmed from anxiety about the electricity – there were lots of wires and some of them were frayed. It made me nervous to run the air conditioner, but the heat and humidity won out and we had it on – directly over head. Our room was large, with a double bed, a desk, and five single beds, plus a bathroom with a shower, two sinks and two toilets – no dividers. Can someone please tell me the point to that? There was also a large closet taking up the entire wall next to our bed as well as a cleaning closet.
Breakfast was served again promptly at 7:00 a.m. This time it was family style and we enjoyed getting to meet some of the people staying at the guest house. Most of them were missionaries, some of whom had served many years on the field. Oh, the stories they told. It was one of our favorite parts of the stay.
Ramon picked us up again and we were off to meet Jonalyn. I have to admit to being very nervous. Older child adoption is another matter than infant adoption and it carried its own set of worries. Would she take to us or be afraid of us? Would she scream when we tried to leave? What exactly would her disabilities be? Would we really be able to do this?
The orphanage seemed very far away, but I don’t think it was in reality. Monday morning traffic was a nightmare. Cars and jeepnies everywhere – all going nowhere fast. Smog and auto fumes hung thickly over the city. The poverty also struck us. I told Brian and Alyssa to get a good look around and to really let what they were seeing sink in. I wanted them to realize how blest we are to live in America.
Along the way we picked up Michelle, Concordia’s liaison in the Philippines. She told us a little bit about Jonalyn, including that she was very outgoing. That made me even more nervous. Would she really fit into our family? Doug and I are both quiet.
At last we arrived at the suburb where the orphanage was located and made our way down a little alley behind a strip mall. It opened into a large, gated courtyard surrounded by white buildings trimmed in blue. Flags of several different countries flew near a sign which told us these were countries where some of these children had been adopted.
Mama Adz and another of Jonalyn’s caregivers met us at the car and escorted us into the orphanage. First we went through an open porch and we recognized it from the pictures of some of the birthday parties. Then we went through an open doorway into the “living room”. Instantly I recognized the blue and white checked couch that Jonalyn’s referral picture was taken on. We sat there for quite a while waiting for her. They told us she was having a bath and would be down soon. Alyssa sat by me while Brian and Doug were on the other couch. I could sense Alyssa was nervous and I tried to reassure her while my stomach did flip flops. Finally we heard some noise in the hall and a minute later Jonalyn appeared, being carried by her favorite caregiver. They were talking to her about Mommy and Daddy and she looked at us but then hid her face. She kept up this peeking game for a while. We went into the playroom and I got out the soft stuffed dog I brought for her. She took some interest in it, but not too much. She kept half an eye on Doug at all times. She first took to Alyssa, which was one reason we brought the kids along with us. They played together with the pretend kitchen almost identical to the one in our basement.
After a while we went outside and they showed us around the grounds. We saw the church where Jonalyn went to Mass every morning and the birds they had in cages. We sat on a low wall and took out the bubbles. She giggled and loved them and this broke the ice between her and me. She even let me hold her hand once we made our way back into the building. We went into another large area where a table was set for lunch and where there was another sitting area. By this time she played with Doug with the bubbles and I felt good about how things were going.
I sat next to her at lunch. We had chicken and rice and pancit with chicken livers (I left those on the side of my plate). Jonalyn ate well and let me help her. I was impressed with how she wiped her face with her napkin. From the first, it was obvious her physical limitations were minimal. She walked with an unusual gait and held someone’s hand almost the entire time, but she got around well. I was happy to see she wasn’t as limited as we thought she might be.
They brought out mango ice cream for dessert, though I couldn’t have any because of my lactose intolerance. Everyone said how good it was.
After lunch we got a tour of the rest of the orphanage. Upstairs there was a room with about a dozen small babies, under six months old. The youngest was just six days old. What a sweetheart. It broke my heart to hear the babies crying and not see enough caregivers there to pick each one up and cuddle them. I wanted to hold one in the worst way, but thought it would be best for Jonalyn’s attachment if I didn’t. The next room was filled with children from six months to just over a year, including a boy and girl set of twins. I got to see a little girl being adopted by a family on my adoption email group and I was able to get some good pictures of her to share with them. Someone had done that for me and I know how I cried when I got those pictures. It made me so happy to be able to do the same for someone else.
The toddler room held about a half dozen kids around 2 years old. Jonalyn was by far the oldest there. They were just settling down for their naps in their pink toddler beds. One little boy wasn’t too happy about having to lie down! Jonalyn showed us her bed and the cabinet which held her clothes.
We went back downstairs to the big room and passed out our gifts for everyone. We had told them we wanted to have an ice cream party and I was waiting for the chance to go to the store to get the ice cream, but they told us it would work better if we came on Thursday to have it. We weren’t too sure about bringing Jonalyn back once we left, but we did agree to it. We knew it would be hard for her to understand going and coming and going again. She might not want to leave a second time.
They gave us a bag with a flower girl dress, some underwear, and a warm up suit from the college. Nothing too practical. I was glad I had brought several sets of clothes for her.
The time came for us to leave and they all hugged her and said goodbye. Two of the workers came with us because we were going to stop at the therapy center to meet with her therapists. I think this helped with her separation because she went without any tears at all. After weaving our way through the traffic again to the center, we were able to speak with both her physical and occupational therapists. They thought she might be able to be released from physical therapy soon but suggested we continue with occupational. I was glad to have those reports to bring home. As the caregivers spoke to the therapists, we took Jonalyn out to the play structure. I held her hand the entire time. She was timid on the equipment but seemed to enjoy herself. Then they took her to the bathroom and we left. The caregivers stayed behind, but Jonalyn didn’t seem to mind. Michelle was still with us. On the ride through the traffic, she gave Jonalyn a small piece of paper to play with, which she obsessively rolled into a little ball. This was my first sign that something wasn’t quite right with Jonalyn. We dropped Michelle off and proceeded back to the guest house. To get from the gate to our building, we had to cross a couple of drainage grates and Jonalyn refused to cross them. We had to pick her up and carry her. But she went up the stairs to our room fine holding someone’s hand.
We spent the rest of the afternoon trying to get acquainted. We read some books and the girls colored. During those activities we noticed more problems. She drew a single line in the coloring book and then turned the page. When she did turn the page she either ripped it or wrinkled it badly. These things bothered us and we were quickly realizing that her cognitive disabilities were different and greater than just orphanage delays. We started working with her right away trying to teach her to color the right way.
Another challenge came when we took her to the bathroom. No one warned us that her stream wasn’t right and so I had quite a mess to clean up after our first potty break. It only took once before I figured out a way for her to go without the mess.
We all took a nice long nap and before we knew it, it was dinner time. Jonalyn sat next to Doug and he helped to feed her. All of the people in the dining hall oohed and aahed over her and she did behave nicely.
When we first saw Jonalyn, we thought her hair was wet from her bath, but later we realized that they had put some kind of gel into it. So after dinner it was bath time. The entire time we were there we never really had a hot shower. Even though the weather was hot and humid, I still like a hot shower every night. But no matter how long we ran the water or what time of day we tried to shower, it never did get hot. And there wasn’t a bath tub, but there was a bucket. So we sat her down on the floor of the shower and used the bucket to wash her. Not all of the gel came out of her hair, but it was something, anyway. Then I attempted to brush her teeth. I handed her the brush and she proceeded to brush her lips. Guess that explained the rotten teeth she had. When I tried to do it, she refused to open her lips. It took some doing, but we finally got her teeth brushed and we all fell into bed, still suffering from jet lag. Jonalyn cried for a little while and we comforted her the best we could, but she finally fell asleep. I did at last, too, in some ways very happy to have my daughter at last and in some ways disconcerted about the discoveries we had made about her. Without a doubt, I knew we had a long road ahead of us.